puppetsexualbrotherfucka asked: 0-50, asshole.
0. kissed a different race other than myself
PROBABLY? I DON’T KNOW. I THINK DAVE IS PROBABLY SOME HODGE PODGE OF BLOODLINES FROM DIFFERENT EUROPEAN ANCESTRY. AND I MEAN, WHO REALLY KNOWS. I GUESS I NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT MYSELF, EITHER.
I’VE NEVER KISSED ASIANS OR AFRICAN AMERICANS, NOR NATIVE AMERICANS OR ACTUAL INDIANS.
EVERYONE IS AMERICAN. THE END.
1. kissed a girl
MAYBE. SHE BIT ME AND CACKLED, LIKE ‘HEHEHEHEHE’. WHAT THE FUCK.
2. kissed a boy
SO MANY FUCKING TIMES.
3. kissed in the rain
ACTUALLY THAT SOUNDS EXTREMELY FUCKING UNPLEASANT. COLD AND WET AND MUDDY.
4. kissed on a ferris wheel
NO.
5. kissed underwater
NOT THIS EITHER.
WE NEED TO GET MORE CREATIVE I GUESS.
6. kissed on new years
NO.
7. kissed under the mistletoe
NO. I DON’T KISS UNDER PARASITES.
8. kissed on 11:11
WHAT FUCKING LOSER WOULD DO THAT?
9. failed my drivers test
SO MANY FUCKING TIMES.
SCREW PARALLEL PARKING.
10. showered with someone else
WHAT, NO.
11. made someone cry
HAHAHAH.
12. broke someone’s heart
I DON’T THINK SO WAIT NO I GUESS MAYBE I DON’T KNOW.
I KNOW MY DADS HAVE BROKEN PEOPLE’S HEART. MAYBE LITERALLY.
13. rejected someone
YES. SORT OF?
14. gotten rejected
HI EGBERT.
15. gone skinnydipping
EW FUCK NO.
16. wished on a shooting star
MAYBE.
17. wished at 11:11
OKAY MAYBE.
18. wished on a eyelash
I CAN’T EVEN SEE MY EYELASHES.
19. wished on birthday candles
IT’D BE SAD IF I HADN’T.
20. had a wish come true
I HAD SOME PRETTY STUPID WISHES.
21. stayed up for more than 24 hours
AUGH.
22. had a sleepover with the opposite sex
NO.
23. slept in the same bed as the opposite sex
NO.
24. had a date to a dance
DON’T EVEN MENTION DANCES.
25. had a one night stand
NOT REALLY MY THING.
26. had my heart broken
WASN’T HIS FAULT.
27. made fun of someone forbeingfat
YOU’RE FAT, STRIDER.
28. cut myself
I’M TOO MUCH OF A COWARD.
I TRIED AND FREAKED OUT.
29. liked more than one person at the same time
YES.
30. kissed more than two people in one night
NO? IT WASN’T LIP TO LIP I DON’T THINK.
31. found something valuable on the ground
TWENTY DOLLARS.
32. been bitch slapped
LEFT THE BIGGEST BRUISE.
33. been slapped
I HAVE PANSY SKIN.
34. been told i’m ugly
MY REFLECTION ENDURES CONSTANT ABUSE.
35. been told i’m worthless
MY REFLECTION IS A SAD, PATHETIC WORM.
36. slapped someone
SCREW SLAPPING. I’LL PUNCH.
37. talked to someone via webcam
YES.
38. had a virus on my computer
I AM THE MOTHER OF COMPUTER VIRUSES.
39. had my butt slapped by someone i don’t know
THEY LOST A FINGER.
NO REALLY, MY DADS ARE CRAZY FUCKS.
40. kissed someone i don’t know
NO.
41. have a pillow pet
NO!
42. said something i wish i could take back
ALL THE FUCKING TIME. FUCK.
43. broken up with someone
YES.
44. lost a friend
NOT YET, SOMEHOW.
45. had a fight with someone over a guy
NO.
WHAT ABOUT GIRLS? SEXIST.
46. cheated on someone
NO.
47. someone cheated on someone, with me
SORT OF BUT I APPROVED IT MAYBE KIND OF?
IT’S COMPLICATED.
48. sexted
THEORETICALLY. FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES.
49. gotten bullied via text/internet/calls
I CAN SAY IT DIDN’T LAST LONG.
50. fell in love
FUCK ME.
